47 lines
2.3 KiB
Markdown
47 lines
2.3 KiB
Markdown
---
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title: Behaviourally-specific feedback
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collection: Community Policies
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path: >-
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Community Policies/Conflict Resolution Procedures/Behaviourally-specific
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feedback
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parentDocument: Conflict Resolution Procedures
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outlineId: 307388aa-0e4e-44ce-abe5-b98b054ac3a1
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createdBy: Jennie R.F.
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---
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:::tip
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Sometimes feedback comes in very ugly wrapping. That doesn't mean there's not a gift inside.
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:::
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There are three areas of understanding when two people interact:
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1. **Intent:** needs, motives, emotions and intentions of Person 1
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2. **Behaviour:** tone, words, gestures, facial expressions of Person 1
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3. **Impact:** reactions and emotions of Person 2
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At first, each person can only know two of these realities. Moving beyond the two realities you understand makes that interaction accusatory. *Stay on your side of the net.*
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What we think about others' intentions is only a hunch. And in any case, the problem is usually with a person's behaviour, not their intentions.
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It is critical to be specific about behaviours, and not make judgments based on a series of behaviours (for example, "You are dominating the discussion."). The more specificity provided, the harder it is for the other to deny the feedback.
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> Behaviour is something you can point to - words, gestures, and even silence are all forms of behaviour. A useful test is to ask, if people were shown a video of the interaction, would they agree they saw the same behaviours?
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Recognizing the impact of someone's behaviour, that is, the emotional reaction it causes in you, is critical to the feedback process and forms the basis of influence.
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## The power of behaviourally-specific feedback
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1. It is indisputable.
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2. It leads to the other party explaining their intentions.
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3. Focusing on behaviour avoids the problem of too much non-specific feedback being useless or destructive.
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4. All behaviourally-specific feedback is **positive**.
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* Behaviour is something we can change.
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* Affirmative = "positive" and developmental = "negative".
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5. All feedback is **data**, and more data is better than less.
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* Feedback given with the intention of being helpful is always positive.
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*Adapted from **Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues** by David Bradford PhD and Carole Robin PhD.*
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