299 lines
17 KiB
Markdown
299 lines
17 KiB
Markdown
---
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title: AORTA Conflict Resolution Guide
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collection: Resources
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path: Resources/AORTA Conflict Resolution Guide
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parentDocument: null
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outlineId: fa054465-08bf-4ae5-af0c-dcb36d4d5924
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createdBy: Jennie R.F.
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---
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by Anti-Oppression Resource and Training Alliance (AORTA) [www.aortacollective.org](https://www.aortacollective.org)
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Reproduced here under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 license
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---
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## Communication–Navigating Difficult Conversations
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### Workshop Assumptions
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* We have all experienced miscommunication, conflict, and resolution.
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* We have all been at fault at one point or another. We have all been generous or forgiving.
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* Communication takes a lot of work. It can be difficult, but we can always improve and develop skills to do it better.
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* Everyone has different perspectives–these are based in our cultural backgrounds, different personalities, and everything that shapes us.
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* There is no one way to participate well in a meeting or be a great group facilitator.
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* Cooperatives are stronger when we devote the time, care, talent, and generosity to work better with one another.
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* Nobody knows everything, but together we know a lot.
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### Synthesizing
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Can be de-escalating and can prevent miscommunications by increasing understanding. For this reason, it can be especially helpful in situations where the people involved speak different languages as their first language, or come from different cultures. It can also help slow down a conversation, calm down emotions, and help with language barriers.
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Synthesizing is not summarizing. Synthesizing distills what a person says, often looking for the core what they are saying, as well as what values or feelings are underlying what they're saying.
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Synthesis statements often start with:
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* it sounds like…
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* i'm hearing that.....
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* are you saying.....
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* if i'm understanding you....
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### Communication Fabulous Practices
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* Before: think, reflect, set intentions
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* WAIT: Why Am I Talking?
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* You can't control their reaction. You can control: your preparation, setting, skills, timing
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* Is it: true? helpful? the right time? Kind?
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* Focus on behavior, not person, blame, generalizations (you always/never...)
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* Focus on preferred outcome, lesson
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* Rehearse success
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* Take responsibility for your actions
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* Ask open-ended questions for better understanding
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* Hear their perspective first
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* Focus on building solutions together
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* Can you find love for this person? If not, what is your investment in this person/relationship/conversation?
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---
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## Page 2: Conflict Mediation in Action
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### Framing and Things to Remember
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* Conflict is not bad or wrong. Conflict is common, and when handled well, the process of resolving or moving through conflict can help us grow and strengthen our friendships and relationships.
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* I am not impartial or unbiased; I am human. I will be working to be partial and biased towards everyone involved.
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* My role is going to be to reflect back to you what you've said. This is because it can be helpful for you to hear what you've said. Additionally, my reflecting can help to clarify and prevent misunderstandings.
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* I might try to offer emotions to parts of your story. Please tell me if they fit or are off a little.
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* I'm committed to helping make a space where everyone can feel safe to be vulnerable.
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* I'm committed to creating a space where you can get clear.
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### Agenda
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It can be great to have the "agenda" depicted as a map. It might start from bottom to top and go in this order:
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1. Check ins. Generally how was everyone's day? How are you feeling?
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2. Community Agreements. (Make these together.)
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3. Compass/Intentions
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4. Dialogues
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5. Discussion
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6. Towards moving forward
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7. Writing Letters
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8. Check outs
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### Compass/Intentions
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Give people 5 minutes of quiet to think about and write what they hope to get out of the mediation and HOW they want to be. They can write them on big sheets of paper. When they are done place them in the center of the room. Explain that these are your collective compass, which will help keep us on track as we navigate. We want to work towards these things.
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### Dialogues
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:::tip
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If alone – able to listen, not respond right away
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:::
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Dialogues are most helpful in tense situations, where people are having a hard time talking to each other or really listening to what the other is saying. It's helpful for people to have the opportunity to talk to someone who is less involved (you). And, because the other participants are specifically requested to not engage in the conversation, it can make it easier for them to really listen, and can help them develop some compassion and empathy for the other people involved.
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Each person present takes a turn in having a dialogue with the facilitator. They should answer the following questions:
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* What do you perceive to be at the root of the conflict? Don't ask "what happened?"
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* How has it affected or impacted you? Don't ask "how are you feeling?"
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---
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## Page 3: Conflict Mediation in Action (continued)
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* What do you need to be able to move forward? Don't ask "what do you want?"
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* What are you willing to do to help everyone move forward? Not "what do you want other people to do?"
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Everyone else should be actively listening and *not* saying anything. It's important that this is a *dialogue*, rather than a monologue. So, jump in to stop and ask questions, notice how something might have felt, pull out relevant details or over arching themes, and reflect. When they are done you can ask them if they want to read their compass piece. Ideally, plan for between 15 and 20 minutes for each person.
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### Discussion
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If it is feeling possible, and is what people want, you can open it up to discussion between the group or specific people. It can be helpful to frame this as, "how can you get **clear.**" People might have questions for each other, big factual gaps in each others' stories to work out, etc. Ideally, leave 20-45 minutes for this part.
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### Moving Forward
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Let's all take a look at the compass. What specific things might need to happen for those intentions to come true? If someone put down "clarity" do more conversations need to happen? Do people feel clear? If people put "moving forward" what does that look like? Regaining a friendship? Not icing each other in public? Is there an action that needs to happen? Does someone need to commit to learning more? Attending a workshop? Reading something? Do people want to collaborate on an art project, event, educational thing?
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### Writing Letters
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Take 5-10 minutes for each participant to write a letter. This should be to themselves and it should include things they want to remember, remind themselves of. This could be about how they feel in that moment, a book to read, a person to talk to, a reminder like, "don't get defensive when you are telling someone else this..." etc. Have envelopes for people to self address and hand to you. Send these out 3-4 weeks post mediation! This is just enough time for people to forget.
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### Checkouts
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How are people feeling right now? In their bodies? Is this what they expected? Do they need anything?
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### Reminders about Conflict Mediation
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* Be prepared to add 30% more time than your agenda indicates. People's nervous energy will be off the charts most likely and folks might deal with this by getting up to use the bathroom, getting more water/cigarettes, having chatty awkward conversation, etc.
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* Food!!! Lots and lots of food. Both sweet and savory. Drinks! Tea, sparkly water, juice, coffee!
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* Play Dough (or other things for people to quietly occupy their hands)! Having their hands occupied can help people focus and stay calm.
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* It can be nice to have music on hand for breaks or writing.
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* Make sure to write down what people's intentions were from the compass. This can be a nice thing to include in a follow up email.
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\
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:::tip
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Sometimes the conflict doesn't need a resolution process – sometimes conflict is a result of lack of policy + you just need to create that policy.
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:::
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---
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## Page 4: Positive Group Roles
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### Task Focusing
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* Give clear direction and purpose to the group.
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* Help the group identify and state its goals, and keep the group focused on achieving its goals.
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* Suggest procedures for achieving goals.
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* Identify, clarify, and define problems.
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### Information Giving and Clarifying
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* Show the group which information is relevant to its work and help to decrease confusion.
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* Request or provide relevant facts, define terms.
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### Elaborating and Summarizing
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* Try to show consequences of plans and positions, and show how ideas in the group are relating to each other.
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* Give examples, explain, pull together related ideas, and offer conclusions.
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* Look for and lift up areas of unity and agreement. Help the group move towards consensus.
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### Decision Focusing
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* Help the group move toward and make decisions.
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* Initiate discussion on and agreement about how decisions are made.
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* Propose tentative solutions to problems, initiate examination of how well the proposed solutions meet the needs of the group.
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### Communication and Information Focusing
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* Maintain open communication. Suggest procedures for discussion.
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* Ask for information and opinions from others and listen to others.
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### Encouraging
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* Draw out others' opinions, give recognition to others. Accept others' opinions.
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* Be friendly, warm, responsive to others.
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* Seek full identification and use of all members' resources.
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### Feeling Expressing
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* Call the group's attention to people's feelings and reactions to ideas, suggestions, course of discussion, etc.
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* Express your own feelings.
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### Conflict Resolving
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* Identify, acknowledge, and help to reconcile differences. Get people to explore differences.
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* Help reduce tension, identify and suggest common ground.
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* Be willing to let your opinion change throughout the meeting.
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### Process Commenting
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* Make the group aware of how it is working on its task.
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* Call attention to group process, identify recurring interactional patterns and unmet group needs unmet by the current process.
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* Initiate evaluation of the group's emotional climate, members' satisfaction, etc.
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---
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## Page 5: Negative Group Roles
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### Agreeing and Acceptance Seeking
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* Be quick to agree with the ideas of others and provide uncritical agreement.
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* Use your agreement to gain acceptance from members of the group who you want to think well of you.
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### Disagreeing and Fighting
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* Be quick to disagree with the ideas of others; struggle aggressively for your ideas and your place in the group.
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* Focus on individual needs, rather than the needs of the group or organization as a whole.
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### Domineering and Recognition Seeking
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* Actively and continually assert yourself in the group.
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* Take charge by imposing a set of ideas and molding all other ideas to these focal ideas.
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* Draw attention to yourself by using jokes, making funny comments in relation to others' ideas, and by sitting and moving in ways which draw attention to yourself.
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* Interrupt others.
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* Bring fully formulated ideas and proposals to the meeting and request that the group decide on these without prior discussion or brainstorming. Respond to questions or proposed changes as personal attack or a lack of appreciation for your hard work.
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### Blocking
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* Slow down group process by preventing group decision-making.
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* Draw attention to every detail of unclarity and every unexplored source of conflict.
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* Encourage people not to compromise and not to give assent to group procedures and ideas.
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### Cynissism and Pessimism
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* Indicate suspicion of the motives of others.
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* Point out all difficulties, indicate the likelihood of error and failure and the difficulty groups have in successfully solving problems.
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* Greet changes in positions, feelings, and opinions as evidence of mindless compliance or attempted manipulation.
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### Drifting and Checking Out
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* Let your attention wander.
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* If given the opportunity, indicate via body language, words, facial expressions, or tone that you are bored and wish the meeting to be over so you can do something else.
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* When your attention is on the group, indicate directly or indirectly you low level of commitment to ideas, decisions, and the group itself.
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### Personalizing Issues
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* Whatever the topic being discussed, relate it to your own personal experience.
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* Insist on group members relating their ideas, suggestions, decision alternatives, and concerns to examples from your personal experience.
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---
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## Page 6: Sample Conflict Resolution Policy
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Having some basic agreements about communication practices and steps to take to work towards resolving a conflict among staff is invaluable. Below is a simple step-by-step guide to addressing and resolving conflicts among staff. For a deeper understanding of what conflict is and where it comes from as well as tips and tools for engaging in conflict mediation, please see the further resources from AORTA on Conflict Resolution.
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Important work staff should do, before/in addition to following through the below conflict resolution steps to support healthy communication and ensure smooth processes should the need for conflict resolution occur:
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### Ahead of Time
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1. Collectively develop staff agreements regarding communication and behavior in the office and during meetings. Crafting agreements and upholding them can go a long way to curbing potential conflicts.
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2. Develop a list of available mediators in the area with relevant information. (Name, contact info, price, and a little about them and their mediation practices.)
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3. Go over this conflict resolution practice with staff and make room for questions and discussion.
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4. Develop agreed upon *best practices* for this process (i.e. do not initiate a conversation about tension right before a staff meeting, do not bring up conflict in front of co-workers or members, etc.) Developing this list of best practices will not only help plan for the uniqueness of your organization and the preferences of staff, but it is also a venue for staff to gain familiarity with this process by exploring different scenarios of how conflict and subsequent mediation may arise.
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### Step by Step
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**Step 1: Acknowledge Tension**
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When a tension with a co-worker arises, it is important to acknowledge it as early as possible. Waiting is a fast track for irritation and hurt feelings to fester and grow. If you are comfortable approaching your co-worker directly, do so, either in-person or over email. Sometimes the issue can be resolved over a cup of coffee, or with an informal conversation.
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If you aren't comfortable addressing your co-worker for fear of retaliation, humiliation, or disrespect, approach an HR coordinator, a trusted board member, or the ED and ask them to communicate on your behalf.
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**Step 2: Conflict Mediation**
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If a one-on-one check-in or message communicated on your behalf doesn't adequately address the conflict, ask for conflict mediation. If you feel able to communicate to your co-worker, either in person or over email, let them know. You might use language such as, "We've been having some tensions/conflict and I really want to make sure we acknowledge it. Would you be willing to go through conflict mediation with me? I think it would go a long way to making our working relationship more smooth and sustainable."
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You should alert the HR coordinator or ED that you wish to initiate a conflict mediation process and ask them for support to set up the process. The HR Coordinator or ED should:
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1. Ask both parties if they have any preferences or needs about who mediates the process,
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2. Find an outside mediator from an already prepared list of vetted conflict mediators,
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3. Arrange a conflict mediation as soon as possible.
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**Step 3: After the Mediation**
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The mediation will hopefully be an important time for both/all parties to express themselves, challenge themselves, and come to new understandings about the conflict. But the work doesn't end when the mediation does. Prompt and steady follow up is generally an important next step. The ED and/or Personnel Coordinator should:
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1. Check in with both parties after the mediation to hear about progress, learn if they need any support in the workplace. (i.e. not to work closely with co-worker on a specific project, to take a day or two off, etc.)
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2. Ask if any behaviors or practices were identified that the staff member would like to work on changing (i.e. communication styles, ways of giving feedback, jokes made in the office, etc.) and support staff member in setting goals and a plan for how to those changes.
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3. Often, when staff members have conflict, they identify working environments or structures that played a role in that conflict. Remain open to hearing constructive feedback about organizational structures or cultures that might need shifting or addressing, and take responsibility to bottom-line some of those changes.
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4. Arrange a check in 4-8 weeks after mediation is completed to check in on and strategize towards progress. This could include checking in on any individual changes, structural changes, and to see if a follow up mediation needs to be scheduled.
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---
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## Appendix: Workshop Flipchart Photos
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###  
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