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---
title: Behaviourally-specific feedback
collection: Community Policies
path: >-
Community Policies/Conflict Resolution Procedures/Behaviourally-specific
feedback
parentDocument: Conflict Resolution Procedures
outlineId: 307388aa-0e4e-44ce-abe5-b98b054ac3a1
createdBy: Jennie R.F.
---
> Sometimes feedback comes in very ugly wrapping – that doesn't mean there's not a gift inside.
There are three areas of understanding when two people interact:
1. Intent: Needs, motives, emotions and intentions of Person 1
2. behaviour: Tone, words, gestures, facial expressions of Person 1
3. Impact: Reactions and emotions of Person 2
At first, each person can only know two of these realities. Moving beyond the two realities you understand makes that interaction accusatory. *Stay on your side of the net*.
![](/api/attachments.redirect?id=6da1ff48-bb8e-413b-a6a0-fb5aacffd815 " =938x657")
What we think about others' intentions is only a hunch. And in any case, the problem is usually with a person's behaviour, not their intentions.
It is critical to be specific about behaviours, and not make judgments based on a series of behaviours (e.g., "You are dominating the discussion."). The more specificity provided, the harder it is for the other to deny the feedback.
> Behavior is something you can point to—words, gestures, and even silence are all forms of behaviour. A useful test is to ask, If people were shown a video of the interaction, would they agree they saw the same behaviours?
Recognizing the impact of someone's behaviour – that is, the emotional reaction it causes in you – is critical to the feedback process and forms the basis of influence.
### The Power of Behaviourally Specific Feedback
1. It is indisputable
2. It leads to the other party explaining their intentions
3. Focusing on behaviour avoids the problem of too much non-specific feedback being useless or destructive
4. All behaviourally specific feedback is **positive**
1. behaviour is something we can change
2. affirmative = "positive" and developmental = "negative"
5. All feedback is **data**, and more data is better than less.
1. Feedback given with the intention of being helpful is always positive
---
Adapted from *Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues* by David Bradford Ph.D. and Carole Robin Ph.D.